Reader TTS

CREATE A CAREGIVING TEAM Grobler says that assembling a support team on the ground, having regular communication with them through group emails or tools like FaceTime, Zoom and Skype, and

ensuring they feel appreciated has been critical to ensuring ongoing care. She noticed that her mother’s neighbors were “becoming amazing ‘snitches’ — when there were issues that my mom did

not want us to know about (but we actually really needed to).” To show appreciation, she got the neighbors’ contact info so she could send them thank-you cards and gifts. She also saw that

her mom’s sister-in-law was pitching in a lot, so Grobler set up a monthly stipend and a “scope of work, of sorts” to show appreciation and understanding of all the time she spent driving

her mom around to appointments. Grobler believes that feelings can get hurt when there is an expectation of support, so she “found that making it a slightly formal arrangement to show that

we valued her time has really made the lines less blurred.” To facilitate the hands-on support her mom’s care team was providing, Grobler created several “boldly printed cheat sheets,”

including one with contact details for herself, her mother’s doctor and other important people. Even though her mom now has trouble with her eyesight, she can have someone else read and call

the numbers off the sheet, which her mom keeps near the phone. Grobler also created a sheet listing her mother’s illnesses, medical details and prescriptions. One copy is near her mother’s

bed, another is taped to the back of the front door, so any emergency personnel who might enter the home will quickly spot it. BE ATTUNED TO THE IN-PERSON CAREGIVER’S PERSONAL NEEDS

Caregivers don’t just need help caring for their loved ones, they need help so they can care for themselves. When you spend the entire day cooking, cleaning, driving, dressing, feeding,

bathing and handling medical appointments for a parent, that doesn’t leave much time for yourself, especially if you’re also caring for children. Cassie Wilkins, a freelance writer in

Australia, cares for her mother, Nikki, 63, who lives in the U.K. primarily by providing relief and support to her father, the primary caregiver. Her mother suffers from early-onset

Alzheimer’s and becomes very lonely and anxious when she’s alone, so for years, she spent several hours on the phone with her mom nearly every morning while her dad is at work. Whenever I

visit Wisconsin, I assume all aspects of care for my mom, from getting her dressed and helping her eat and to assisting with bathing and driving her to appointments so my sister is totally

off-duty. I also take on as many household and family chores as possible, including driving my niece and nephew to school and to extracurricular activities, cleaning gutters and washing

loads of piled-up laundry. I’ve found that even if you can’t be there in person very frequently, whenever you are there, you can make it count.