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Depending on the type of trust you set up, your trustee may be able to act on your behalf when you're alive or after your death (or both). The trustee will have the power to control

your assets according to terms and conditions you set up in your trust. For both of these roles, look for someone who is good with money. Persistence and efficiency are also positive traits.

Like your agent, the executor and trustee are held to a fiduciary standard. The courts don't look kindly on lazy fiduciaries. So, if the executor is not handling affairs or progressing

a probate case forward, the judge is going to ask for an explanation. And if a trustee is not following the terms of the trust, the trust beneficiaries are going to start demanding answers.

That's not to say that your executor or trustee needs an MBA to serve. Remember, he or she will have attorneys and advisers guiding them. The most important thing is that your executor

and trustee are dependable, trustworthy and will rise to the occasion. CONSIDERING YOUR OPTIONS You do not need to appoint the same person to manage your health care and money. One of your

children may be efficient and a whiz at accounting. The other may have a nursing background and be an excellent communicator. In that case, wouldn't it make the most sense to put one in

charge of your medical needs and the other in charge of financial management? And you do not need to appoint a family member at all. Recently, I was doing some spring cleaning in my files

and found a relative's old estate planning documents. She had named me as her health care surrogate and executor in her will. I remembered that she had done that, but had forgotten that

she didn't name her next closest relative to serve in any role if she became sick or passed away. Instead, she named a friend. It made sense; the friend had a medical background and my

relative had cared for the friend through cancer in prior years. The friend had the life story and perseverance to be a top-notch caregiver. Like in my relative's documents, if you

have a friend who is qualified and willing to do the work, then name your friend. Sometimes, people ask what to do if they have no good choices in their friend or family circles, or no

friend and family circles at all. Selecting a neutral professional is a solid alternative. You can name caregiver advocates, attorneys or accountants, financial institutions or trust

organizations to serve in these roles. The benefit here is that these businesses will serve in a fiduciary role with a high degree of professionalism and competence. While this may cost more

money, it ensures that your interests are protected and wishes followed. And it can prevent family drama and possible litigation in more contentious families. DON'T WORRY ABOUT HURT

FEELINGS My clients often say, “Can't I just name both my children to be power of attorney (or executor, or surrogate, or trustee)? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.” My

answer is this: While the law may allow you to name co-representatives in your legal documents, you may not be happy with the practical result. If your co-representatives can't agree

or don't work well together, you can expect lawsuits, court battles and fractured families. Meanwhile, you are not receiving the best caregiving you deserve. If you don't think the

co-representatives will be able to work together, then name a primary and an alternate if the primary can't do the job. If you do decide to name co-representatives, you may not want to

name more than two co-representatives at a time. While it can be nice to have odd numbers to help with tiebreakers, too many cooks in the kitchen almost always spoil the soup. The best way

to prevent hurt feelings is to talk to your loved ones. This can be in person or in a letter of instruction. Tell your family what you want if you need caregiving in the future. Tell them

who is in charge and why. If it's not a surprise in the middle of a family crisis, your care will go more smoothly and your loved ones are more likely to work together and not give your

legal representatives a hard time. LEAVE A ROAD MAP Don't shy away from talking about how you want to live if you lose the ability to be completely independent. Talk it through with

your possible caregivers and representatives. The roles you are assigning them come with great responsibility. A transparent conversation or instructions about your finances and wishes will

be their road map and ease their caregiver stress. What you share with them today makes their lives — and yours — easier tomorrow and provides peace of mind for all involved.