Reader TTS

This suggests that a caregiver does not have a busy life and has nothing else to do but provide care, or that a caregiver can stop the clock to put life on hold, which is never the case. It

also implies that your activities, relationships, responsibilities, self-care and work are more important than those same things happening in a caregiver's life, not to mention more

important than caring for someone who needs it. A caregiver needs to keep living life, too. SAY THIS TO ONE GIVING THE MOST CARE "I think it's unfair that you are providing the

majority of the care for Dad. That must be frustrating. I'd be willing to help you try to find services to supplement the care you provide” and help pay for them if necessary. Or “I

feel badly that you are providing more of Mom's care. Let's set up a schedule and come up with ways that I can take on more responsibilities." NOT THAT: “There's always

one person in the family who does the caregiving. You're just that person." Just because all too often one family member ends up taking on the bulk of caregiving responsibilities

doesn't mean it's right or desirable. SAY THIS TO SHOW APPRECIATION "Thank you for what you are doing. It must be very challenging at times, but you keep forging ahead, and I

admire you for that. I'd like to do X, Y or Z to support you.” Or surprise a caregiver with a supportive card, gift certificate, present or anything that makes her feel appreciated. NOT

THAT: "You are a saint.” Or “Your reward for caregiving will be in heaven." What about now? Caregivers’ ultimate reward is precious time spent with loved ones, knowing they are

doing their best for them and being appreciated for it. Believe me, caregivers, myself included, are far from perfect. We often feel inadequate, angry and exhausted. When you play the

“saint” card, it makes us feel as if we shouldn't expect support or appreciation now while we are in the midst of caregiving. It also suggests we are superhuman and don't need

support. SAY THIS WHEN OFFERING ASSISTANCE "Would it be helpful if I did X, Y or Z?” Or “I would be happy to stay with her for a while so you can have a break. How about next Saturday,

or is there a better time?" Or “Let's talk about some specific things I could do that might be helpful. Could I run some errands for you? Sort your mail? Water your plants? Come

and visit with your loved one? Bring a meal?" NOT THAT: "Just let me know if you need anything,” or “Let me know how I can help." It's always nice to offer help, but

caregivers often are so overwhelmed and exhausted that it's hard to think of things for you to do or guess what you'd be willing or have the time to do. And caregivers often

don't have the energy to reach out when they need support the most. SAY THIS TO STRUGGLING CAREGIVERS "I can see how hard this is for you, and I so appreciate and admire what you

are doing. I'd like to help [with specifics]." NOT THAT: “If it's hard for you, then why don't you just put your mom in a nursing home?”