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Some days, it can feel like every day is the toughest day for family caregivers. That’s because what can go wrong often does go wrong. Additionally, every family caregiver is, first and

foremost, human. Then — wham! — along comes a doozy of a day, and you’re certain that this one is your worst day as a caregiver. It’s a day when your caregiving duties challenge you

emotionally, physically, financially — or all three simultaneously. How can a loving family caregiver specifically respond to such an impossible situation? AARP reached out to a handful of

experts — two academics and two who have written books about family caregiving — for advice on the things that family caregivers can do to deal with the physical and emotional stress of

their roughest days as caregivers. Here are their top tips: 1. CONTROL YOUR ANGER WHEN YOUR LOVED ONE MESSES UP What caregiver hasn’t experienced this challenge a million times: their loved

one accidentally makes a big mess — perhaps without even leaving their bed. Or the person they care for accidentally falls and hurts themselves. Or their loved one momentarily gets lost —

perhaps in a big department store — during an outing. The natural reaction for any caregiver would be to get angry. That’s okay, but only if you hold off and get angry in private and not in

front of your loved one, says Dolores Gallagher-Thompson, active professor emerita in the Department of Psychiatry at Stanford University and author of _Family Caregiver Distress_. “If you

approach something with a negative attitude, you’ll only foster more negativity, and you’ll feel guilty later,” she says. For example, when your “lost” loved one in the department store is

finally found, hug them with joy instead of yelling at them and tell them how happy you are that you found them. “If you focus on that, you can take joy in being together again,” she says.

2.  ALLOW BUREAUCRATIC STRESS TO ROLL OFF YOUR BACK Sometimes, your toughest days will have nothing to do with your loved one’s behavior or condition and everything to do with the massive

bureaucracy that almost every caregiver is forced to deal with, says Gallagher-Thompson. She says that bureaucratic stress can be the worst kind of stress because it can feel so out of your

control. For example, when you’re on the phone for an hour waiting for someone to pick up at the other end, or when the pharmacy messes up on a prescription and can’t quickly fix it. JOIN

OUR FIGHT FOR CAREGIVERS Sign up to become part of AARP's online advocacy network and help family caregivers get the support they need.  “Take deep breaths,” she advises. “If you don’t

do that, you won’t be able to think clearly.”  Practicing yoga or meditation can help you avoid a feeling of helplessness, Gallagher-Thompson says this is also where a support network can

be invaluable. “You may have a friend, relative, or acquaintance who has previously had success with this problem.” 3. REMIND YOURSELF WHY YOU’RE A CAREGIVER On the most challenging days, it

can be easy to forget why you chose to become a caregiver in the first place. That’s when it’s most important to stop and remind yourself that you’re there because you care, says Connie

Baher, author of _Family Caregivers: An Emotional Survival Guide_. “When the daily grind has ground you down, you have to find a way of grounding yourself,” she says. She suggests on those

difficult days, every caregiver should take a moment to spell out the word C-A-R-E and think about what each of the four letters stands for. “C,” she says, stands for your compassion for

your loved one. “A” is for the admiration you also feel for them. “R” is for the lack of recognition that your loved one often feels. And “E,” she says, is a reminder to embrace the

caregiver experience. “You are there to embrace and lean in.” 4. REDISCOVER PAST PASSIONS Sometimes, says Baher, long-haul caregivers, in particular, experience such difficult days that they

feel as if they have nothing left inside to give. “They are numb,” he says. “They have no time to go to the spa or have lunch with a friend.”