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2. SET GUIDELINES, BOUNDARIES AND GOALS Some of the fear and discomfort around conversations dealing with race stem from uncertainties about where a conversation may lead and how people may

react. Setting clear guidelines, boundaries and goals can be useful. Those strategies can be as simple as allowing one person to speak at a time or agreeing that conversations are

confidential. Clinical psychologist Erlanger Turner suggests creating a safe space for people to feel a full range of emotions. “Sometimes when people start to get angry, you want them to

not be angry. That's not fair to anyone,” says Turner. “These are natural emotional responses so it's unhealthy to try to turn those feelings off." 3. START ON COMMON GROUND

Try finding a book, podcast, news article or movie about race that you have both seen or heard and center the conversation on that. Another idea is for two people to take to take an implicit

association test, which is used to measure a person's attitudes and beliefs about various topics including race, weight and sexuality, and discuss your results. 4. TURN TO FACTS

Talking about race may turn emotional and, while emotions matter, facts can be a useful way to examine conversations about structural and institutional racism. This doesn't mean there

won't be disagreements, but start with data, such as the racial discrepancies in pregnancy-related deaths, for example, or rules and regulations that single out people of color, such as

workplace or school bans on specific hairstyles, as a basis to ground conversations. 5. AGREE TO DISAGREE WHEN NECESSARY Know that conversations about race may not always end in agreement.

In Liles’ case, he and his friend have come to a place where they agree to disagree. “Some people aren't trying to hear it,” Holmes adds. “If somebody does not want to talk about race,

if somebody is just completely unmovable then maybe that's kind of where they want to be.” 6. USE “FFF” STATEMENTS Expressing your feelings on race and how they've evolved over

time can evoke strong emotions. Tatum recommends using “FFF” statements — express yourself by saying “I felt … I found out … and so now I feel.” This strategy can be helpful because the

focus is on your feelings, so statements are less likely to provoke defensiveness. As an example, Tatum says some people might feel conversations about race are frowned upon and it is better

to be color-blind. But that approach may evolve into an effort to be anti-racist, which Tatum says means acknowledging and understanding racism and then actively working to dismantle it. 7.

ACTIVELY LISTEN Many of us might admit to at one time or another being so focused on our next point in a conversation, that we barely listen to what the other person is saying. Especially

in conversations about race, it can be easy to listen for — and key in on — certain hot-button issues and use them as an excuse to get defensive or cut people off. “You've got to resist

that and let people finish their thoughts,” Holmes says. The point the person is making may be unexpected, and you'll miss it without listening closely. “What if something beautifully

articulated is coming at the end, where you will begin to see this person in a completely different light?” he adds. “You got to just let those moments happen." CONVERSATION STARTERS

SUGGESTED BY EXPERTS 1. Discuss your earliest memory connected to race. What did you learn from that experience? 2. What stereotypes have you heard applied to your race or ethnicity? How

does that impact you or your perspective? 3. What are your thoughts on the state of racial justice in the U.S. today? 4. After reading/watching/listening to a book, movie, article or podcast

about race, what stands out for you?