Managing marriage, money issues among couples 50-plus - finances

Managing marriage, money issues among couples 50-plus - finances


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But since "most of us marry our money opposite," she says, conflicts can arise if a risk-taking spouse wants to do something after age 50 that his or her


"security-focused" partner can't tolerate. The more conservative spouse may be saying: "It's too late" or "You're over 50." The best answer for


this dilemma is to have a plan B and think through best- and worst-case scenarios and then decide whether both parties could live with the outcomes. For example, if making a high-risk


investment or pouring money into a speculative business venture is under consideration, you and your mate should contemplate how you would fare if you lost all your money. That's always


a possibility. The two of you need to be on the same page before making any big move that could be economically risky in the long-term. But other questions, like pursuing a new job


opportunity, need not be viewed as such a high-stakes proposition. Palmer cites an older couple she knows in which the wife, after turning age 50, told her husband that she wanted to become


a flight attendant. He wasn't ready to support the idea. But the couple talked through it and ultimately the husband recognized that it was his wife's lifelong dream. She did it


for 10 years, loved it, and the couple fared just fine, Palmer says. 5. KEEP OR SELL THE HOME? UPSIZE OR DOWNSIZE? Making a decision about the home once the kids have moved out is complex


for people in their 50s, 60s and beyond because they must grapple with numerous, sometimes competing, goals. They often want to be closer to their kids or grandkids, but not overly close or


intrusive. They want cheaper housing, but also wonder whether they should keep a larger home in case relatives visit. One spouse may favor throwing traditional thinking out the window to


refinance the house, pull out equity and buy a second place. "A lot of creative things are being done that never would've been done in the old days, because having your house paid


off before you retire is financial planning 101," says Scott Palmer, who with his wife wrote the book _First Comes Love, Then Comes Money_. Coming to terms "causes tension for


older couples because sometimes the home is one person's security, and for the other person it's an investment," Palmer says. Reaching a workable solution often requires


creativity, and a willingness to take a realistic look at the family budget. It's important to make a list of priorities, itemizing the things a couple must have (like a home in a


specific state, little to no mortgage and one guest bedroom) versus the things that are simply nice to have (such as a family room, pool or backyard for the grandchildren). For those


contemplating selling the family home and relocating to another city, it's smart to try out that new town for size first — perhaps by renting for a year — to see whether you really do


like the area before buying a home. Ultimately, resolving these and other tricky money dilemmas is possible, Palmer says. His proof? Last year, his grandparents celebrated their 70th wedding


anniversary. _Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, The Money Coach®, is a personal finance expert, a television and radio personality, and a regular contributor to AARP. You can follow her on Twitter and


on Facebook._