Reader TTS

There's a long list of older celebrity couples who have split after decades together: Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness, married 27 years; Meryl Streep and Don Gummer, married 39

years; Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, married 25 years; Bill and Melinda Gates, married 27 years.  But it's not just celebrities. Gray divorce across the U.S. is significantly

more common than it was a generation ago. More than one in three people who divorce in the U.S. are older than 50, according to research published in 2022 in the _Journals of Gerontology:

Series B_. And many of those are, just like in Hollywood, people who have been together a long, long time.   So why go your separate ways after building a life together? Here are 10 big

reasons, according to experts. 1. INFIDELITY Suzy Brown, 78, says she tried for "three long, agonizing years" to persuade her husband to break off an affair with somebody he’d met

at work. But ultimately, after 33 years of marriage, she filed for divorce. Brown, of Kansas City, Missouri, says she was devastated, hurt, sad and furious. She found herself doing things

she never would have expected, such as hiding behind bushes in the parking lot across from her former spouse’s new apartment at 2 a.m. to see if the woman was there. Why cheat in a long-term

marriage? It's often because life seems easier with someone other than your spouse. "The affair partner doesn't make the same demands on their partner that a spouse

does," says Rachel Mirsky, a Certified Divorce Coach in Rochester, New York, adding that the person they are having an affair with usually doesn’t ask them to do chores, isn't

financially dependent on them and doesn't rely on them for all of the regular responsibilities that go with day-to-day life. The good news: Many people handle the experience by

reinventing themselves, Mirsky says. Brown used her experience to start a website with information to help others going through divorce called Midlife Divorce Recovery and wrote a book,

_Radical Recovery: Transforming the Despair of Your Divorce Into an Unexpected Good_. 2. MONEY ISSUES For many older adults, worrying over money is warranted. The National Council on Aging

found that 80 percent of Americans 60 and up don't have sufficient funds for financial emergencies. But conflict in a marriage over money is not always about how much money a couple

has, says Karen Covy, a divorce coach and divorce attorney in Chicago. People "want what money means to them. There’s a whole emotional component to it." A classic example is the

spender versus the saver, says Mirsky. For the spender, money equals freedom; for the saver, it represents security. Spenders may view savers as frugal or miserly, and savers may view

spenders as frivolous or wasteful. "Many times, only one of the spouses handles the family finances, and they often feel that the other spouse doesn't appreciate the amount of

expenses they have, or how much they truly need to save to be prepared for retirement." Another common source of money conflict, says Covy, is when one partner agrees to stay home with

the kids while the other supports the family financially. After the children are grown, though, the financial supporter often wants the stay-at-home spouse to enter or return to the

workforce, but that spouse may be unable or unwilling to find outside work. "Both spouses have different perspectives about the deal and who broke it," Covy says. "This is why

you have to deal with issues as they come up, because the longer you let them go, the more resentment builds. There comes a tipping point, and if one spouse lets the other go over their

tipping point, game over." 3. BAD COMMUNICATION   There's poor communication, and then there’s harmful communication. The Gottman Institute, which has studied couples’ behavior

since the mid-1990s, uses the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as a metaphor for the communication styles that, according to the institute’s research, can predict the end of a relationship:

criticism, contempt (the No. 1 predictor of divorce), defensiveness and stonewalling. Mirsky breaks down how each one can harm a long-term relationship: * CRITICISM: "Especially for

people that need positive affirmation from their spouse to feel loved, criticism can destroy a critical need for a successful relationship." * CONTEMPT: "When spouses continually

speak with contempt to one another, they destroy the feelings of closeness and safety that are paramount to successful relationships." * DEFENSIVENESS: "When partners get defensive

with one another, it is often about something deeper than the argument itself." * STONEWALLING: "One partner stonewalls the other, they are refusing to engage in the conversation

and thus preventing any real chance at true understanding of their spouse and their needs."