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STEP 1: INFORMATION GATHERING. The scammer will start digging for information to manipulate you and understand vulnerabilities. Some may find love bombing off-putting, but others crave the

attention. That’s the scammer’s target. “They’ll test the waters and do it broadly until [they find] a hit,” says Kelly Campbell, a psychology professor at California State University, San

Bernardino, who studies catfishing. “A secure person is not usually going to be as responsive to a too-much, too-soon type of thing like love bombing. But an insecure person is more likely

to be attracted to it or to stick around, because they’re afraid it’ll go away.” STEP 2: DEVALUING YOU. Losing that flood of attention is typically the next stage. After the onslaught of

adoration, the scammers embrace what psychologists call “devaluing.” “The person may withhold love and affection, or become critical, or gaslight you,” says Rachel Noble, a licensed

therapist who runs Noble Practice, a D.C.-based therapy and psychiatry group. “They may punish you and blame you for problems in the relationship, which can trigger abandonment issues you

might have. If you fear abandonment or feel like you’re never good enough in your personal relationships, you’re much more likely to fall prey to these tactics.” The scammer might even

suddenly vanish. This ghosting can make the victim feel desperate, scared, and unworthy, which gives the scammer psychological and emotional power. Rowe experienced this with Antony, who

abruptly disappeared for a weekend. “After that intense attention and affection, where you’re never out of their thoughts, they will go quiet and you panic that you’ve done something wrong

to lose that incredible connection,” Noble says. “It knocks you back and you think, ‘What did I do? What did I say?’” STEP 3: CONTROL. When they return or become affectionate again, the

scammer will likely assert more control over the victim, whose levels of anxiety and fear are now elevated. This process can go on for months or even years. Some scammers, like Rowe’s love

bomber, are seeking not money, but sexual conquests. Many are after cash, and will eventually say they need money to buy a plane ticket or to address a health problem, for instance. They may

try to woo victims into bogus cryptocurrency investments. (In these cases, love bombing is part of a process known as financial grooming. Criminals refer to it as pig butchering.) HOW TO

IDENTIFY AND AVOID LOVE BOMBERS KNOW THEIR TACTICS. Before the love bombing starts, scammers often fish for information about their victims. But they don’t simply ask questions. “A lot of

people think that catfishers only ask about you but don’t tell you anything about themselves. That’s not how it works,” Rowe says. “They often open up about themselves first because it gives

you permission to open up about your background, too.” They may also seek to build what Rowe calls the trauma bond. You might both know someone who had cancer, for example. Scammers can

exploit those supposedly shared experiences, so be careful how much you reveal initially to your new suitor and don’t overshare on social media. BE WARY OF SPEED. For scammers, love bombing

is about getting you invested in the relationship — fast. But that speed is also a warning sign. “When someone comes on that fast and that strong, it’s inherently inauthentic because they

don’t know you,” Noble says. “You’re either dealing with a scammer or with someone who is mentally unstable. Either way, it’s a red flag.”